'Us blokes can be crap at keeping our heads in a good place.'
That's where the concept of Mental Wellth helps.
It's about remembering to do things that make you feel good about yourself.
It feels good to feel good. And you're allowed.
I've checked the rules and it's definitely covered. So let's talk about your Mental Wellth portfolio
Constructing your portfolio is simple.
Step One.
Start by listing three things:
1.
2.
3.
Things that give you a boost. That make you feel good. That give you a moment of calm. That give you a sense of achievement. That connect you with others. That connect you with yourself. And they can be anything, really.
The beauty of this idea is that no-one’s telling you what you need to do. You’re deciding.
And it’s also got this thing going on I call ‘2 Mods’. That means it’s modular, and it’s modifiable. So it involves you choosing different things, and those different things can change when you want them to.
Essentially you just arse about with your portfolio until you find the mix that’s right for you.
Step Two.
Now you've figured out the first three things in your portfolio, add two more. Because, just like in the financial world, it's better to spread your investments.
Step Three.
Now you’ve got your first Mental Wellth portfolio of five investments. Write them down somewhere.
Then check in with them as often as you want. Maybe every three weeks. Maybe every two months. Whatever works for you.
Ask yourself the question ‘have I been doing this good stuff?’
If you haven’t, but you can see how it might be a boost for you if you did, do the stuff. Go for that curry. Or that run. Or to that gig that makes you feel 18 again.
A Tool In Your Toolbox.
Now if you try it and find this Mental Wellth idea doesn’t really help you at the moment, that’s fine too. Because once you’ve given it a go, and understood how it works, if you need it in the future, it’ll be there for you.
It’ll be a tool in your toolbox.
If you like this idea, share it.
Maybe, together, we can make things a little bit better.
I think Mental Wellth is a good idea.
If you think that too, tell people. Because it might just be an idea they need to hear now. Or that they’ll need at some point in their life.
And reaching out to another person, to a friend, a family member or a colleague, makes you feel good. It will make you feel connected. And there’s value in that. For both of you.
A bit of backstory.
Where it all started.
I came up with the idea of Mental Wellth because a while back, with some school mates, I was raising money to support young people’s mental health. In that process it became clear that men’s mental health is a challenging area too.
Basically, men are really crap at dealing with it, at figuring out a path forwards. Bottling shit up seems to be our default setting. And that’s clearly not an ideal way to walk through life.
I also believe that a lot of the approaches and therapies out there are better suited to women, than they are to men. Yes, talking about what you’re struggling with clearly helps – but, in my experience a lot of men, just don’t work that way. We aren't big in talking.
So the need to find a different approach was clear.
The other thing that I kept returning to is to do with words. In my opinion one of the big problems with mental health is the term ‘mental health’. To me it’s phrase that always comes with negative connotations. maybe that's why blokes tend to shy away from it.
So I was looking for an approach that works for men, that was ‘bloke-friendly’, that got you thinking about the subject in a positive way, and that gave you some agency, some control.
That brought me to the phrase Mental Wellth.
I think it's a phrase that sounds like something you can succeed at.
Here's something I learned about how men work
Sometimes it's easier to talk about objects.
The business card thing came up as a challenge for me. I'd been telling people that Mental Wellth was a simple idea. And I thought if it is simple, can I tell the story in a very small space? Like on a business card, for example. Turns out I could. Thank you Vistaprint.
But what was really interesting is what happened when I showed guys the cards. While they had been listening when I was banging on about the idea as a whole, when the card came out the level of engagement changed gear.
I think there's a massive learning in that on how men's minds work. Sometimes it's easier for us to engage with an object than an idea. And easier to engage with the tricky stuff when we're looking at something else. Maybe that's why the best conversations I have with my son is when I'm driving him somewhere in the car.
So this mug was another object I came up with as a way to start a conversation.
The other way the mug works for me is sometimes, when I'm mired in doubt about it all, I look at it and think: 'Bloody hell this thing must be real, we've got merch...'
Other possible Mental wellth investments
It's not about the fish
It's not about the fish
It's not about the fish
Steve was a guy doing the tiling when we were having the bathroom done.
I pitched the Mental Wellth idea to him.
Once he got his head round it, which he did, I asked him what makes him happy.
He said fishing.
Bob's dog
It's not about the fish
It's not about the fish
Bob was my father-in-law.
He's not around anymore. I miss him.
Years ago he had a dog.
A dog who meant a lot to him.
A dog who made him feel good.
I think pets can do that magic thing, for men, of helping us connect with something inside of ourselves we often find difficult to experience or express.
.
Haringey Borough FC
It's not about the fish
Haringey Borough FC
Haringey Borough are ' ...by far the finest team the world has ever seen'.
So how we've just got relegated is beyond me. Obviously losing matches didn't really help.
But, for me, going to watch The Boro' isn't really about winning. Because there's so much more going on than just what's happening on the pitch.
I used to run a mile from exercise
I used to run a mile from exercise
I used to run a mile from exercise
I don't any more. And its made my life better. Also, there's something about physical exercise that helps clear the mind. Or helps it to focus.
Open a window
I used to run a mile from exercise
I used to run a mile from exercise
We tend to live our lives in boxes. Rooms. Flats. Houses. Offices.
But most have windows. And open the window and letting the air in can be very refreshing. And if the windows don't open, take a moment and step outside for a bit. The room you're in isn't the world. And every now and then it's good to reconnect with what's outside.
Chocolate
I used to run a mile from exercise
Chocolate
KitKats. Flakes. Ripples. Snickers. Galaxy. Fruit & Nut. Aero. Double Decker. Bounty. Dairy Milk. Crunchie. Twix. Maltesers. Milky Way. Topic. Cadbury Cream Eggs.Mars Bars. Bounty. Perhaps even an Aztec Bar.
You know, when you really need one.
And don't worry, I won't tell anyone.
A nice cup of tea
Get lost in a game
Get lost in a game
If you're stressed out at work, or at home, make yourself a cup of tea. Because with tea you have to wait for it to brew. And that time is yours. It's like pushing a pause button when you've been fast forwarding. Then you get to drink the tea afterwards.
In Mental Wellth terms, tea is a total win-win.
Get lost in a game
Get lost in a game
Get lost in a game
Not my thing. I'm way too old.
Also never really recovered from not being able to get past the second level of Space Invaders.
But works for my son. And the community he plays with online.
I don't really understand it TBH.
But I can see why it might be good to have somewhere to escape to. And to find a world in which you have some degree of control.
Mates
Get lost in a game
Mates
These are the idiots I went to school with. Steve's taking the picture. And John's late. We're having a pint before a Specials gig. It was a very good night.
And they're very good mates.
Over the years they have been a constant source of support. And piss-taking. But that's Sarf Lunnun for you.
If you haven't seen your good mates for a while, ring them.
Sort something out.
I didn't speak to these two men.
But I have spoken to a lot.
Because I wanted to run the idea past them. To see if it resonated. And pretty much universally it did. That convinced me I was onto something. The first person I tried Mental Wellth out on was Tom, an ex-Royal Marine. Because his world was the furthest from mine that I could imagine. After a few minutes he said 'Oh, so the portfolio is different for everyone.' I hadn't worked that out at that point. But clearly the idea had connected, and he'd hit on maybe the key thing with Mental Wellth:
You're in control of it. No-one's telling you what to do.
And speaking of speaking.
When I spoke to Hef he suggested doing a podcast. I'd not done a podcast before. But it sounded like a good idea, so why not give it a go? Because, even though us blokes are often set in our ways, we can try new things if they seem to make sense. Incidentally, have I mentioned this idea of a Mental Wellth Portfolio?
Here's how you can help
Spread the idea. Do that and you'll be doing more than enough.
But if you want to chip in a few quid to keep the thing going I've set up a JustGiving page here:
https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/mentalwellth?utm_term=ZdBqz8MVX
I'm trying to cover the grand that I've put in. If I get past £1000 I'll have a financial float to do more stuff – print cards to circulate, sort out the podcast, go and talk to groups about the idea etc.
So 100 people sticking in ten quid each would work. Or 10 people with £100. Or....has anyone got Elon Musk's number?
But, honestly, just getting the idea out there, to see if it connects, to see if it resonates, is all I'm really after now.
So if any of this speaks to you, please share the website. Then you'll be a part of it. Whatever 'it' turns out to be.
Rohan